he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
