ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
