need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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