At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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