So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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