Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
