Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
