I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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