Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
