Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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