He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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