Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize