my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
