Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
