I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
