I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
