i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
