I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
