The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
