Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
