He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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