god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
