..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
