the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
