We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
