I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
