i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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