apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
