He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
