White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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