If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to fling myself into the sun
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
