I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
