Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
