Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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