There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
