My cat gives me a boner
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
