Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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