she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
