I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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