I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
