I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
