I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
