I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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