Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I could make wine with my vomit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
