Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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