omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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