this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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