college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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