he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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