He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm like, not good at living.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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