Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
