there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
