In the future we'll all be gay
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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