He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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