I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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