my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
