You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
