i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
