I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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