My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
