Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
