did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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