Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
