I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
