i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
