Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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