I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I want a musical about memes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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