I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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