I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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