I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
