$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
